Whatever You Do, Don’t Let ‘em Win

If you always do what you always did, you always git what you always got!

Negro League Baseball great Satchel Paige

I have seen this grammatically incorrect quote attributed to Satchel Paige, pitcher for the Kansas City Monarchs in the Negro Baseball League. He later went on to pitch for the Cleveland Indians in the major leagues. Even though my 6th grade English teacher — or any English teacher for that matter — would fall off her chair after reading it, I absolutely love this quote!

A good friend of mine views life this way. We see ourselves as change agents, disrupting the status quo in favor of better results when it is appropriate.

My friend, like me, recently went through a job transition from Corporate to legacy nonprofit organizations. We both have experienced a period of adjustment, if you will. We interviewed for positions in our respective organizations in which we were led to believe that our industry expertise – in our respective fields – was sorely needed to advance the organization to the next level. We each have experienced a bit of frustration because it appears on the surface that we’re being asked not to rely on the expertise we’ve gained to solve problems on our current job in exchange for learning how the system works where we work. We both recognize there’s a learning curve anywhere you go and we have accepted that part of our frustration is getting up-to-speed on the nuances of our organizations as quickly as possible.

Today my friend called me twice. The first time to catch up because we hadn’t talked in months. She has a one hour commute to and from work and she HAS to be in the office every day. We caught up with current events: Sarah Palin’s sudden decision to resign as governor of Alaska (what was that all about?); the haters in the wake of Michael Jackson’s tragic death, (GOP Congressman Peter King of NY); how I’m dealing with my daughter’s deployment next month to Afghanistan and so on. We agreed that it was time for us to resume our once a month get togethers as we used to meet for sushi with two other friends until one moved away after completing grad school. 

The second call came about three hours later when my friend told me she left work early because basically, the people she is working with spend more time playing games than trying to complete projects. She went on to tell me that she knows that she is not equipped to play the games — you know the one where everyone meets and decides on deadlines for the project. At the subsequent meeting key people suddenly have amnesia or make it appear my friend misunderstood the next steps when everyone agreed what the next steps were in the LAST meeting.

Ugh!

As a result, the project is doomed to fail, which is what her boss believes should happen in order for senior management to understand there is a structural breakdown in the organization. But my friend is thinking — and rightfully so – ”Does this mean I’m a failure too?” Unfortunately, her boss is not providing any reassurances that this is a “test” or that my friend won’t go down the tubes — and out the door — with the failed project.

This is not the first time I’ve had the pleasure of counseling my friend through a “situation” at work. Let’s face it, we all need someone to talk to just to make sure we’re not the one making more of the situation than necessary. However, whenever I talk to her I always remind her: Don’t let ‘em win! … meaning, “don’t let their issue become your issue.”

Even in saying that, I know her frustration all too well. We both come from the same school of thought which is, we’re on our jobs to do our jobs, not to play games. 

I was an avid believer of that philosophy until a few years ago when I began studying emotional intelligence: the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. There are a couple of leading researchers on emotional intelligence, who have been studying this concept for almost 20 years. Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer have identified four different factors of emotional intelligence:

• the perception of emotion,
• the ability to reason using emotions,
• the ability to understand emotion, and
• the ability to manage emotions

Emotional intelligence appears to be a derivative of social intelligence, which is the ability to get along with other people. From what I’ve read about the subject, most people can learn how to become more proficient in emotional intelligence.

So, what does this mean for my friend — and for me as well? Does it mean we have to better learn how to get along with other people, particularly in the workplace? Or does it mean we’re okay and the other people are screwed up? Or does it simply mean we’re making too much out of this and that we should simply let it go? Let’s face it, neither of us is working to find a cure for cancer.

What it means for me is this: I have to get better at what I do and find a better way to communicate with people at all levels on my job. My friend admits she too could stand to improve. We all can. But what will it cost us we wonder? Our pride? Our credibility? Our reputations?

Much of what we’re trying to protect is a perception that may not necessarily be reality. In other words, our coworkers may in fact view us totally different from the way we view ourselves. Perhaps when we’re thrown a curve ball at work it’s a reminder that we’ve still got room to grow.

Acknowledging that Iam still growing + Trying to get better = Staying in the game (whatever the game is they’re playing).

Hmmm. Guess that’s my equation for not giving in to the detractors.

Don’t let ‘em win!