Still a Balancing Act

Whatever one thinks of work life balance is determined by how much one values work over personal life. The expression became big back in the 70′s as a way to describe the balance between one’s work and family. There have been more than enough documented cases of people who have lost the balance — placing more emphasis on work than personal life or visa versa. But no matter how you slice it, finding a way to devote equal time to both work and family is still a balancing act.

Ten years ago, my work took me from a comfortable family life in Florida to a wonderful career opportunity in Illinois. I  made the transition to Illinois thinking I could work hard and someday return to Florida to be closer to my immediate family. After all, it was because of family – my parents in particular – that we left Ohio and became residents of the Sunshine State.

My parents had relocated from Ohio to Florida in the mid-80′s by way of North Carolina. I will admit, there were three reasons I wanted to move to Florida.  First, as the oldest of three but I was the biggest baby of the three when it came to my Mother. Frankly, I missed my Mommy! Second, my Mother was a diabetic and the disease was beginning to take its toll on her to the point of kidney failure. I got one too many phone calls from my Dad about how Mom’s health was deteriorating. Being the oldest of three I thought if I were closer to my parents I could help Daddy take care of Mommy. The third reason for relocating, simply put: I was tired of the cold winters in Ohio.

Okay, so number 3 was really most important when I explained all of this to my husband at the time, who had just completed a four year stint with the U.S. Marine Corp. Other than a deployment to Beirut & Puerto Rico, he had spent time at Camp LeJuene, North Carolina, so he was feeling me on the warm weather part of my rationale. 

Upon arrival in Florida, I didn’t really struggle with work life balance because I had yet to resume the budding radio career that had started in Ohio. That left lots of time to help out around the house, tend to my mother’s needs and try to figure out how to help my children get acclimated to a new way of life in Florida. It didn’t take the kids long to get used to being able to go outdoors and play all year long. And let’s not talk about celebrating Christmas when it’s 80 degrees outside. Getting a bike for Christmas suddenly had a whole new meaning!

Shortly after arriving, I did find a job in radio as director of news and public affairs for an urban contemporary station. It was probably one of the best ways for me to get acclimated to my new community because of the exposure I had to people of various walks of life; politicians, community organizers, college students, etc. It wasn’t long after that I got a call — sight unseen — from a producer at the all news/talk station in town asking if I would be interested in pursuing a news reporter position. I figured, what the heck and I applied, got the job and suddenly I was exposed to even more influential people in my new community.

Now suddenly the work life balance thing got tricky. As a general assignment reporter, I took my turn with the other reporters being “on call,” which basically meant if news broke in the middle of the night or on weekends, I had to drop whatever I was doing and go cover the story. It was a great way to learn my way around the city but it also meant having to put some measures in place for child care should I get that 3 a.m. call (nothing like the 3 a.m. calls made famous in last year’s presidential election). Fortunately, my Mother’s health had improved and she was able to help by keeping the kids when I got those calls in the middle of the night.

However, it was my ambition that started to throw things out of whack just a little bit. I wanted to become news director and I knew what kind of work would be required to reach that goal. However, there was a voice deep down inside of me that kept saying, “Make sure your children don’t suffer in the process.” I used experiences from my work as a news reporter as teaching moments for my children. These experiences helped to shape in my mind how I wanted to raise my children. The ultimate goal was to make sure they were well balanced and productive members of society.

For my son, it meant having him accompany me to a juvenile detention facility in southwest Florida to sit and listen while I conducted interviews for a public affairs program. He saw first hand how the young boys in the facility — many of whom were his age — lived in less than desirable conditions. He was able to compare it to his own home life. Also, he sat with me while I interviewed the local county sheriff about increased measures law enforcement planned to put in place to deter juvenile delinquency. The experience was my own version of scared straight. He got the message loud and clear.

The teaching moment for my daughter was to always be frank, open and honest with her about sex, drugs, boys and encourage her to think for herself. It was the fast-tailed girls who would call the house looking for her older brother that caused me to say, “My daughter will not have time to call boys and anger their mothers with rude phone manners.”  Of course, I was assuming their mother’s were answering the phone to hear a child on the other end skip hello and immediately request to speak to their son (or daughter).

The bottom line to all of this was I wanted my children, no matter what, to know they were loved even though my work took me away from them. They had to know that I still cared very much about their wellbeing, that they had a safe homelife and that they could always depend on me for anything. That was my perception of work life balance. And I was blessed because I did eventually reach my goal of becoming director of news and public affairs.

So now over 20 years later, they’re both grown and I’m the grandmother of three children. Because the grandkids are  growing up so fast I’m starting to think about how to balance my need to continue working to support myself and my desire to be closer to my grandchildren. I want to enjoy watching them grow up. I want to be a central figure in their lives. I want to be able to attend the soccer games, the dance routines and all that they will be exposed to in their lives. And yes, I want to share my wisdom and knowledge with them; shaping their young minds to be productive citizens and good, decent human beings. I want to be all that a grandma can be but not look like one. I want to be the kind of grandma to them that my mother was to my children.  

Yeah, it’s still a balancing act.