Cold is My Friend

I can remember a time when sweaters and blankets were my friend. Now cold is my friend and the colder it is the more I like it.

Ugh! I promised myself that I wouldn’t blog about this subject but I can’t help it. The “change” has come over me. It gets so bad sometimes I want to cry. Other times I simply hope no one notices that I’m perspiring like a pig. Is there a graceful way to sweat, I sometimes ask myself? Don’t think so, especially when I can read the faces of people with whom I am engaged in face-to-face conversation. I can see them staring at my face and wondering why am I melting into a puddle of water right before their eyes.

If you’re a middle-aged woman reading this blog you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re younger than 49 and have no clue what I’m taking about, just keep on living. Your time will come.

Well, maybe it will.

Three years ago, I woke up like any morning and got dressed for work. Normally it takes about 30 minutes but this time it took about 45 because I had to stop and lay across the bed with the ceiling fan going at high speed. This is the same ceiling fan that my daughter and I installed in my bedroom in the dark (we ran out of daylight) one evening. 

By the time I got to work, which was an hour and a half commute by train, I had 12 hot flashes… count ‘em 12. My clothes were soaked, I was in tears, my office was as cold as a meat locker, yet I was still sweating like it was 95 degrees.

I called my primary care physician and explained to the receptionist that I couldn’t take it anymore. She immediately put me through to the triage nurse. Linda picked up the phone with a sympathetic voice and said, “Can you be here in the doctor’s office at 12:30 this afternoon?” It was 9:15, I had just arrived in the office. I said yes, even though I would have to take a “milk train” (a commuter train that makes every stop between the city and my suburb). Didn’t matter. I wanted relief!

When I arrived at the doctor’s office, it seemed like I was being ushered in ahead of other patients. I didn’t care because at this point it was all about me. And hey, if somebody was going to give me that kind of attention, I was going work it to my advantage.

After sitting in the examination room for what seemed like 30 seconds, my doctor entered the room, extended his hand, smiled and said, “We’re going to help you.” And suddenly I started to feel better because someone acknowledged that I wasn’t crazy after all.

He checked my temperature, blood pressure and other vitals. Then said he wanted to do blood work to confirm I was going through menopause. And that’s when I looked at him sideways, thinking to myself, “Why? Don’t we already know that?” He must’ve read my face because that’s when he went on the explain there are documented cases of women who have committed murder while going through menopause. And in some cases, the women have gotten off because menopause was used as a viable defense. I kept sitting there with this bewildered look on my face trying to comprehend what he was saying. I wasn’t about to kill anyone but he was telling me that it could happen. That’s when I said to him, “Well, maybe you should give me the name of their attorney just in case.”

We started talking about how to treat it. He suggested an anti-depressant, not because I was depressed, but to take the edge off so that I could sleep at night. That alternative wasn’t too cool with me because I have a low tolerance for that kind of stuff. He also suggested hormone replacement therapy – but neither remedy could be implemented until the results of the blood tests came back and that would take about a week to ten days.

Black Cohosh, a natural supplement used in place of hormone replacement therapy

While I waited for the test results, I did a little research and also talked to a friend who happened to be a nurse. I told her what my doctor was thinking for treatment and she suggested supplements like black cohosh. She said I could get it at Whole Foods. I checked it out and found several different types of over-the-counter menopause supplements — stuff I had never paid any attention to before. I purchased a bottle of black cohosh and started taking it.

Linda, the nurse, called about 7 days later with my test results and confirmed I was going through menopause. ‘Duh! Tell me something I didn’t already know!’ Then she asked which of the two treatments did I want to pursue. I asked if I could consider a third option, the over-the-counter supplements. She said sure, you can try it but — and I’ll never forget these words — “If you feel like you’re about to kill somebody, call me.”

I hung up the phone and thought about what she said. Then I prayed,”‘God, please don’t let me get to the point where I want to kill somebody!”

I proceeded to do more research and discovered that diet can play into bad experience with hot flashes. Regular exercise is highly recommended. Not a problem for me. I try to workout at least 2 to 3 times a week. Staying away from alcohol, carbohydrates and high fat foods will help take the edge off. So I changed my eating habits, starting taking more vitamins and supplements like Omega 3, Vitamin E, Ginseng, etc. And I went back to Whole Foods and discovered Remifemin, an estrogen free dietary supplement that promises to reduce hot flashes by as much as 70%.

I stumbled upon a website called Women to Women and found it helpful. The other night I fell asleep on the couch and woke up just in time to hear a woman talking about a book called “The Black Woman’s Guide to Menopause.” Looked it up on Amazon.com and read some excerpts. The author talked about finding the “joy in menopause.” I thought to myself, for the past several years I have yet to find “joy” in what I’ve been going through, except not having a menstrual cycle.

The hot flashes have started to subside. The temperature in my office at work is set at 70 degrees. It’s so cold you can hang a side of beef in my office but I am not complaining even though everyone else does. The ceiling fan in my bedroom runs almost year round. Even my daughter commented the other day when she noticed a hot flash erupting. “That was quick,” she said. “Usually it lasts longer and your face gets much more flushed. Does this mean it’s almost over Mommy?”

God, I hope so!